♥ Mature Love 4 ♥

♥ Mature love is about having realistic expectations
♥ Many of us believed he could take care of us
♥ Too many of us act like little children
♥ I truly believe
♥ Many of us had too many unrealistic expectations

Mature love is about having realistic expectations of the other; he/she is not there to keep you happy all the time. And expecting from one another we did, we both assumed the other knew what we expected from him/her, we figured the expectations were the same – but that wasn’t true. We wanted him/us to keep us happy, to want to be settled down, to want to have children; he on the other hand, wanted to keep playing and having fun like we did when we were single, he wasn’t expecting to have babies so quickly.

Many of us believed he could take care of us and the children like our dad took care of our mom, our siblings and us. But it wasn’t that easy, taking care of a household, wife and children was way different in our parents’ day than in our day. The costs of paying rent or buying a house, a car, furniture, food, clothing and all of the rest of it was a huge burden on him. In my case, we had discussed me not working after we got married and had agreed to it, however, the reality of it came crashing down on us both and we weren’t ready for it. So I went to work to help out but ended up pregnant too early in the marriage, I couldn’t cope with going out to work, taking care of the household, the babies that ensued, I got tired, we fought, and things started to fall apart. I wasn’t mature enough to handle all that came my way; I made a mess of everything. We were not ready for marriage, for all of the responsibilities it entailed.

Too many of us act like little children, we rush into marriage thinking it will bring instant gratification. We don’t allow the relationship to grow before we get married and since we aren’t properly prepared for the choices we have to make after the marriage, we just don’t have time to nourish the relationship. We can’t finish what we start because we are not mature enough to have started anything to begin with. Had some of us waited a year or two before jumping in with both feet and allowed our relationship to develop, we probably would have made it.

I truly believe that in my case, as shabby and as immature as we both were, we did love each other, we were probably meant to be together, but because we were unwilling to give ourselves a year or two to build a solid foundation, the relationship fell apart. We suffered, but most of all our children suffered because we just couldn’t grow up and come to an agreement about anything.

Many of us have too many unrealistic expectations of our partners, we expect them to keep us happy but marriage and the realities of life take over and the worst of it is, we eventually realize that we are responsible for our own happiness. Some never, ever learn that lesson, we own our feelings and it is up to each individual to keep themselves happy, no one else can do that for us, no, not even our spouse. I hear it all the time, the excuse people use for splitting up, “he/she doesn’t make me happy anymore”. That, my dear friends, is an immature excuse for splitting up, and getting married because he/she makes you happy, is an even shabbier excuse for getting married.

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