"Truly loving another person means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."
Karen Casey
♥ Today I ponder the idea of mature love as opposed to immature love.
♥ When I look back on my life
♥ Immature Love
♥ Mature Love
Today I ponder the idea of mature love as opposed to immature love. I remember the term "puppy love" the negative connotation used by my mother when I came home from school telling her I was in love. To me , however, it felt real, it made me feel so good inside, I couldn't think about anything else, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, it was wonderful seeing this person every day. I would have done almost anything for this person without thinking about my own personal safety, not to mention my self respect. This, after all, was love, as I understood it to be when I was 13 years old.
When I look back on my life I see where it took me for ever to develop a mature love, even my first marriage was based on an immature love, no wonder it didn't last, no wonder everybody suffered, it didn't have a chance.Today, I feel I have a much better understanding about the difference between mature vs immature love, these are some of the examples that I have learned along the way;
Immature Love;
♥ Is based on emotion only
♥ Is based on your self esteem being fulfilled by reciprocation
♥ Is based on the idea that you will do anything for that person, even if your safety is in danger, even if it negatively endangers your self respect, anything just to have him/her notice you, love you back
♥ It is often based on looks and not so much on personality and/or integrity
♥ It is often based on the need to be loved and cared for
♥ Immaturity says” I can't help myself" they are convinced that what they are experiencing "is love"
♥ It is often based on what is going on today, who they see today, they cannot comprehend that the person may not be who they think they are and that they will change in time, so will the immature person
♥ The immature person cannot wait for their love to be reciprocated, they "need" and want it "now", much like a hungry new born baby
♥ They believe that somehow the other person knows them so deeply , they can read each others' minds, they are hurt, angry, when the other "gets it wrong"
♥ The immature person often thinks she/he is in love because they had an amazing sexual encounter.
♥ Intercourse does not equal love
♥ Love does not mean getting your own way all the time, it is not based on manipulation, it is not a fantasy
Mature Love; (most of these topics have links to further discussion)
♥ Mature love knows that you often learn more about each other during the bad times, and each rough spot is an opportunity to work through to another stepping stone
♥ Mature love has respect for the other, does not use hurtful words when they don't understand the other, they say to themselves, "gee, maybe I got it wrong, I better ask more questions about this". Couples in mature relationships do not scream at one another, but talk and listen in a respectful attitude, they walk away for a while if the topic gets too hot, and come back to finish the discussion when they can talk quietly and respectfully
Links to,
augh, god.
ReplyDeletei cried a little.
yes, i'm in a inmmature emotional rollercoaster.
my only dream is a wedding dress.
and his zombie like howl eyes to wake up to every sunday.
nice post.
Thank you Aisber. But why would you want to wake up to his "zombie like howl eyes"?
ReplyDeleteKahilakun q bah. Huhuh :(
ReplyDeleteThank you Kahilakun for your comment, not sure what you mean, but if I understand you, maybe you still have a bit of maturity to aquire, don't fret, it will come in time :)
ReplyDeleteHave a good day.
Love this. I moved 2000 miles to get out of an intoxicating relationship; the most painful experience of my life.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship I'm in now is completely different. I hope that i never love anyone the way I loved my ex.
Dear Anonymous, I am so happy for you that you are in a wonderful relationship now, I understand what you mean, I once felt trapped by this feeling once or twice. However, I truly believe that love is a state of mind and that it is a "choice" that we make for ourselves. I believe that we need to learn to be in control of our emotions as adults, as we needed to do when we are children. We learn to control our needs and wants, love is no different. I think because of the physical feelings associated with our relationships, that we feel out of control, that the "love" we feel is in control of us. It took me a very long time to understand this and to even begin to believe it. Now I feel that I am in control of my feelings and not the other way around. To get a handle on this change the verb "love" to "anger" for example, if you have control over this emotion, then love shouldn't be any different.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will continue to be happy in your new relationship.